


Frustration

by Emanning13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:57:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21130385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emanning13/pseuds/Emanning13
Summary: Draco is in love with Harry Potter. He's frustrated in more ways than one. What happens when he breaks?





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. No money is being made off of this. This is pure entertainment.

It’s only three months into the school year and I am screwed. I am going crazy. Literally every day I have to watch him. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Ugh! I know I don’t deserve him, but a guy can hope. I really should stop thinking about him. Eventually someone is going to catch on and then there will be hell to pay!

I don’t even know why I decided to come back for my 8th year. It’s frustratingly hard. Seeing him every day, being with him in all of our classes. It makes my mind spiral. I want to get my NEWTs and get away. Maybe I will move to France with my mother.

Another day, another day spent watching him, wanting him, but not being able to have him. It is torture. He’s straight. He’s ‘the savior’, the golden Gryffindor, the chosen one, he’s Harry bloody Potter. I wish I could hate him, but the truth is I never did. I was jealous of him. I was hurt by his rejection of my offer for friendship, so I turned it into a petty rivalry that last the past 7 years of our lives. How do I begin to move past that?

I’ve been civil. I’ve made my apologies. I’ve kept my head down and myself out of trouble. I get bullied and taunted a lot by those who don’t want me here. I don’t blame them. I don’t even put up a fight. I wind up with bruises and being hexed a lot. It doesn’t matter. I need to stay out of trouble so I don’t wind up in Azkaban for retaliating.

I do my best to avoid staring at him, but he’s so beautiful, so sexy, I can’t help myself. I just want to kiss him. I just want to throw him against the wall and give him something I have been longing for. I want to be with him. I wish I could be there sitting next to him, laughing, smiling, hugging, touching him. I have imagined it so much, that my fantasies have become a part of my daily routine.

I really need to get out of my head, stop thinking about him and try to move on. He would never be with me, especially because I am an ex-death eater. I am Draco Malfoy, and I love Harry Potter. There is no way we could ever be. The Prophet, the wizarding world would never let it happen. Time to get a grip on reality and focus on my NEWTs.

Sitting in potions, trying to take notes, I notice Harry is sucking on his quill. Oh fuck. He looks like he would give a great blow job. I am going to have a problem if I don’t look away, but I can’t. He’s sucking on it like how I would imagine him on his knees in front of me sucking my cock. Oh merlin, I am so screwed! I am trying real hard not to moan out loud. My erection is pressing hard against my zip. I am very thankful for the roominess of robes right now that will hide my problem.

As soon as class ends, I am rushing to the nearest loo. I lock myself in the cubicle, and quickly take out my aching hard cock. It doesn’t take long, a few strokes envisioning Harry’s perfect mouth around it, and I am coming hard. Long white strips decorate the door as I moan loudly. I hope no one else heard that. I quickly clean up the mess and leave the bathroom heading to our next class, Herbology. I avoid looking at Harry the rest of the day. It was quite a difficult task.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Harry was on his knees in front of me. His lips wrapped around my cock. He’s sucking, licking, and kissing it like the quill he did earlier today._

_“Oh gods Harry!” I scream._

_Harry keeps sucking my cock eagerly, my hands tangled in his dark hair. I want to fuck his ungodly mouth, but I don’t want to choke him. I come hard in his mouth, he swallows all of it._

_He looks up and smiles at me. “I want to fuck you, Draco.” He says._

_How could I say no? It’s all I have wanted. To have him fuck me and to fuck him. “Oh merlin, yes please.” He makes me beg._

_He grins and stands up fluidly, pushing me back on the bed. Crawls over me and kisses me fiercely. He opens me up slowly with his fingers and lube. I am whining, begging him to fuck me. I want him so bad. “Please Harry.” I whine._

_Harry grins, takes out his fingers, and replaces hit with his hard member. He pushes in slowly, giving me time to adjust. He waits until I grunt, “Move. Now. Please.” He slowly moves his cock in and out of my tight hole. He starts to rock faster and faster. He angles a little deeper and then hits my prostate, and I am coming a part underneath him. “Yes, there. Harry!” I scream. He keeps hitting that spot with every thrust. Never relenting. Then I am coming so hard, untouched! “HARRY!” I yell as my orgasm takes over me. He comes not too long after deep inside me._

_We lie down next to each other, Harry holding me as we come down off our high. I listen to his heartbeat and hope that this never ends._

_“I love you.” He whispers._

_“I love you too Harry.” I whisper back._

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

I woke up with a start. I am sticky, alone, miserable and utterly depressed. I want all of it. I want the sex. I want the love confessions. I want more. I want to be Harry’s boyfriend. I want to marry him one day. I want to have kids with him one day. Too bad I can’t live in my fantasy anymore.

I shower to wash the evidence of my shame away. I dress and get ready for the day.

Walking down to the Great Hall from the 8th year dorms, where all the students who came back to obtain their NEWTs after the war interrupted last year sleep and cohabitate together, I am glad for the single rooms, I feel alone because no one wants me here. No other Slytherin came back to Hogwarts. It’s just me. So, I have no one to talk to besides Luna who talks to me because I helped her while my family held her hostage in our home. Luna sees the good in all creatures, including me. I can’t dissuade her from continuing her friendship with me. Merlin knows I don’t deserve it. I am pulled out of my downward spiral as I sit at the 8th year table. I try to eat quietly so I don’t disturb anyone.

I leave for DADA and hope that we are not taking notes today, if we are, then I need to sit up front and avoid staring at Harry.

As everyone sits in the new teacher, a young 25 year old witch named Riley Noctem who shamelessly flirts with Harry and irritates me, comes in smiling. Uh oh. “Today we will be doing a practical, so books away! Wands out. Can anyone tell me what the Patronus charm does?” Of course Granger has her hand up. “Yes Miss Granger?” Professor Noctem asks.

“The Patronus charm shields you from a dementor.” Granger explains.

“Correct. And how do you produce this charm Miss Granger?” Professor Noctem says.

“You have to think of a happy memory, a very strong one, let it fill you up and say Expecto Patronum to cast towards the dementor.” Granger replies.

“Correct again. Ten points to Gryffindor. We will all be trying this out today. I know it is not on your NEWTs exam, but it is helpful to know since the Ministry lost control of them. You never know when you might need it. Since we will be focusing more on NEWT level incantations after the New Year, I thought we could take a break and use the next month before the Holidays to have some fun learning new charms that would be more practical.” The class cheered at that. “Alright, everyone repeat after me, without wands this time ‘Expecto Patronum!’” Professor Noctem demonstrates.

“Expecto Patronum!” They all repeat.

“Good. Now with wands. Practice the charm at your leisure.” Professor Noctem commands.

I was nervous. I didn’t want to practice the Patronus charm. I wanted to fake an illness and get away, but knowing that this professor would never believe me, I was stuck. I used unhappy memories, and faltered on saying the charm completely. I knew it was cowardly, but no one could see it. I am able to produce it. That is not the problem. The problem is the shape my Patronus takes. A great stag, I love it, it’s beautiful, but they would all know, he would know. I can’t let that happen.

The professor is walking around monitoring everyone’s progress. I am happy to note that I am not the only one who doesn’t have a Patronus, but most of the class does. She looks at me. “I guess being dark, you might not have one.” She mutters before walking away. I am so ashamed and feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment. I am not surprised at her comment, I knew she didn’t like me, but that felt like a blow below the belt. I can feel tears threatening to come behind my eyes. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. I am tempted to show her, but can’t muster the courage to do it. I just sit off to the side until class is over.

I am rushing out to Transfiguration, when someone calls out to me, “Hey Malfoy, wait up!” I turn to look to see who it is. Oh no, it’s Harry. Please go away.

“Yeah Potter?” My curiosity gets the better of me.

“I noticed you were having a hard time in there. I was wondering if you wanted help on it.” Harry replies.

“Thanks, but no. I just don’t have enough good memories,” I lie, I have good memories, “and Professor Noctem is right I am too dark to produce one.”

“She really said that to you? How awful. I don’t believe it. I want to help. Please.” Harry begs.

Oh how I wish I could take him up on it. I know the truth and he would hex me if he knew it too. I can’t risk it. As much as I want to spend time with him, I know that we can’t be friends or even more. I will only hold him back. We could never have any kind of future together. “No. I am fine. Thank you.”

“I know you could do it, just let me help you. You need a happy memory, we can create one! Come flying with me, or come to the burrow with me for Christmas, unless you already have plans?” He pleads.

I don’t. I don’t want his pity. I want those things but I can’t have them. “Why do you care? We’re not friends. We are enemies.” I reply.

“I want to be your friend. I don’t want to fight anymore.” He sighs.

“I don’t want to be friends.” I mutter. Which is the truth. I want to be his boyfriend but he doesn’t need to know that. I walk away towards Transfiguration.

He sits next to me in class. I groan. “Leave me alone Potter.” I growl.

“No. I am very stubborn Malfoy, and I will not let this go.” He declares.

I glare at him and groan. I focus on the lesson at hand. The heat coming off his body during class distracts me. I want to lean into him. It takes all my resolve not to do so. The lesson is long and boring. I can’t breathe normally because if I breathe too much of his scent in I will go insane. Okay, I know that ship has already sailed. I am insane. It’s just getting worse.

By the time class is over, I am ready to escape to lunch, then the library for a free period and try to avoid him during charms before dinner and head to his dorm to hide. Unfortunately, Harry decides to sit next to me during lunch as well. His friends, Weasley and Granger, cautiously sit near me as well.

“Oi mate, why are we sitting here?” Weasley asks Harry.

“I have decided to become friends with Malfoy, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I am tired of fighting all the time. We need to move past our past and grow up.” Harry replies.

“That’s very grown up of you.” Granger says. “Well, Malfoy, if Harry can be friends with you then so can I. You may call me Hermione if you want.”

I am shocked. I don’t know what to say.

“He told me he didn’t want to be my friend, but I won’t let it go.” Harry supplies for me.

I glower at him. “I don’t understand why you would want to be friends with me. I made your lives a living hell.” I mutter.

“Well you got that right.” Weasley says.

“You haven’t done anything awful to us all year.” Granger, no Hermione, retorts.

I scoff and roll my eyes. “I need to pass my NEWTs and I can’t do that in Azkaban.”

“You were cleared of all charges.” Harry replies.

I roll my eyes again. “Yes, but I am under restriction and scrutiny. If I mess up I get a cell in Azkaban next my dear father. I don’t want to mess up my opportunity to start fresh. If I had the choice of a different school, I would have gone there, but no one else wanted me, Headmistress McGonagall took a chance on me, is making sure that I don’t screw this up. I don’t want to disappoint her.” I clarify.

All three of them are staring at me. I just shrug. “It’s no big deal. Everyone hates me here. I don’t blame them. I was on the wrong side. It’s why I have decided to move to France when this is all over. My mother lives there, and she has feelers out to potioneers and hospitals to see what chances I might have for an apprenticeship or mastery either in Potions or to become a Healer.” I explain.

I don’t know why I have said all that. I must be desperate.

“I didn’t know that is how you felt.” Hermione says.

“Yeah well, it doesn’t matter anyway. Nothing is going to change.” I mutter. I finish eating and leave them to head for the library, hoping for some peace and quiet there.

They find me not half an hour later going over homework for Astronomy that I have tomorrow, thankfully Harry is not in that. I have Astronomy, Arithmancy, and Ancient Runes tomorrow. A whole day without Harry! They sit down at my table.

“We’ve all decided that you need friends and we won’t budge until you are our friend.” Harry exclaims.

I scoff. “All of you?”

“Yes.” They reply together. I am surprised that Weasley is going along with this.

“Whatever. I can’t stop you from trying.” I mumble.

They pull out their books and we study together until we all head to charms.

They sit with me during charms, I ignore them to my best ability. At dinner they attempt to include me in their discussions and conversations, but I stay quiet. I am not going to get roped in. I know how this will end. It will end in heartbreak.

I immediately head to my room after dinner, they try to invite me to game night, but I quickly come up with an excuse. I don’t want to get too attached. I can’t let myself sink. I am already doomed. I can’t let them be affected as well.

The next day they sit with me at breakfast. I roll my eyes at them. They are stubborn Gryffindors, but I hope I can out stubborn them. Hermione sits next to me during Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. She tries to talk to me, but I won’t let myself begin to hope.

They sit with me at lunch and dinner as well. I ignore them.

The following day we have Potions, Transfiguration and Herbology together again. They sit with me during meals. Harry partners with me for Potions, which does not help my sexual frustration because I have been having wet dreams every night, all about Harry. I am glad that Potions comes so easily for me. I am so hard by the time class ends, because I can hear the sounds Harry makes while performing fellatio on his quill, my mind easily applies these sounds to sex. I am glad that Harry is too oblivious to notice how he makes me feel.

Harry still bugs me to let him teach me the Patronus charm. Every chance he gets, he asks. It’s annoyingly endearing how much he wants to help me. Little does he know that I can actually perform it and its form is a stag.

During Herbology and Transfiguration they sit near me again. They are testing my patience. I just want to be left alone.

During dinner they start talking about their plans for the holidays. It seems they are all spending it at Weasley’s house. I don’t think their house is big enough to fit all those people in there, but I refrain from commenting.

“What are you doing?” Hermione asks me.

I look at her weirdly. “I will be here. I can’t go anywhere. I wish I could visit my mother, but the Ministry won’t allow me to leave the castle, so my holiday will be spent here.”

“That’s a bummer.” Weasley says.

“That can’t be fair.” Hermione responds.

I shrug my shoulders. “All a part of the contract I signed.”

“What contract?” Harry asks.

“The contract I had to sign to get all charges dropped. I have to finish my NEWTs with good marks, stay out of trouble, and I can’t leave Hogwarts even to go into Hogsmeade. I have OWL order anything I need or want.” I reply.

“That’s ridiculous.” Harry says.

“That’s my life now.” I sigh.

A flicker of disappointment and sadness cross Harry’s face. It’s quick, but I am curious as to why he would feel those things for me. I can’t let my hopes up though. I shouldn’t read too much into it.

That night I write a letter to my mother about school and my crush, she already knows I am gay and supports me. She just wishes to see me happy. I tell her about them trying to become friends with me. I also OWL an order gift to be delivered to her for Christmas. I wish her Happy Christmas and hope that next years will spent together.

On Friday during DADA we practice our Patronus’ again. I still can’t share mine, so I just don’t do anything. The professor doesn’t care anyway, so I don’t even try.

Harry walks over to me. “Come on Malfoy, you can do it. I believe in you.”

A shiver goes down my spine. His voice turns me on. It doesn’t help that he is so close I can feel the heat coming off his body, I can smell his musk, which is very manly and very Harry, and it makes me want to push him against the nearest wall and have my way with him. “I just can’t do it.” I lie.

“Of course you can. Can I call you Draco? I feel like I should now that we’re friends.” He replies.

“We are not friends.” I mutter.

“Yes we are.” He declares.

I roll my eyes. I try to ignore him. “Please leave me alone.” I say after he just stands there for a while.

“No. You are going to be able to produce the charm. I will help you. Come on, Draco. Focus on a happy memory, let it fill you up and proclaim Expecto Patronum!” He emphasizes.

I already know I can do it. I just can’t show it to him. Especially him. “I can’t.” I mumble.

I can see the disappointment in his face, but I just don’t want him to know. “You’re not even trying.” He states.

This is true. I shrug. It doesn’t matter. “What’s going on over here?” Professor Noctem asks.

“I was trying to help Draco here with his Patronus. Seems like he was having trouble with it.” Harry replies easily.

My face heats up.

“Well, I am sure that his kind can’t produce one, so it won’t matter, you may be excused from this lesson Mr. Malfoy. You can write a 3 foot long essay about the Patronus charm and how to use it effectively instead.” She demands.

“That’s not fair. He can certainly do it.” Harry proclaims.

“It’s alright Potter. Thank you Professor. I will go write that essay for you.” I insist. I walk away and Harry follows me.

“It’s not alright though Draco.” He replies, while trying to tug me back.

“Don’t.” I grimace. I don’t want him to save me. I don’t want his pity. He needs to know this is how the world acts, how it will be like once I leave here.

“Why not? She’s being predjudiced. We should go to Headmistress McGonagall with this.” Harry maintains.

“Who’s she going to believe?” I ask. “Not me. I am a liar and I am a dark wizard. I was a death eater. I will not be able to produce the Patronus. Just leave it alone Potter!” I yell and stomp away.

I try to control my breathing. It’s so unfair. I am really pent up. I am angry, hurt, dejected, and ashamed. He will never understand.

In Transfiguration, I ignore Harry when he sits next to me. He tries to apologize, but I don’t want to hear it.

At lunch he tries again. “You will never understand Potter. This is how the world looks at me. All they see is my father. That is why I have to move away. I will only be a former death eater here. I am a disgrace. I can’t even buy my mother a proper gift for Christmas, I just hope the one I OWL order doesn’t end up being mishandled or damaged in the process. This is why we can never be friends. They will all think I am using you or taking advantage of you. I don’t need you or your pity. So please stop. Just STOP!” I snap and walk away. I hide in my dorm until it’s time for charms. I can’t skip class, but I can avoid Harry and his friends.

I arrive late to charms so I can avoid sitting near them. I get 5 points deducted, but that is okay with me. I go to the kitchens for dinner and head straight to my room. I cry myself to sleep.

In the morning feeling worse than ever, I get up and plan to stay in my room all weekend if I can. Thankfully we all have private bathrooms. I can stay here and wallow in self-pity. I receive a letter back from mother. She tells me that she is well, and how proud of me she is. She encourages me to take the offer of friendship from Harry, saying that I will never know what it might lead to if I don’t try. She might be right, but I don’t want to get my hopes to high.

I choose to focus on my school work and spend the next several hours banging out the homework for all my classes. The only reason I am taking so many NEWTs is because I want as many options as I can have. I don’t want to sell myself short. I work really hard to get good grades and I am at the top of most of my classes if not all. I know I will not do well in everything that is why I dropped Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. They were just filler subjects for me. I like Astronomy, Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. They challenge me and make me feel happy I came back to school.

I miss being able to fly. I miss Quidditch. I miss going to Hogsmeade. I love shopping. I also love Christmas time. It’s my favorite time of the year. Christmas was always a happy occasion at the manor, except for a few years, but I don’t count those. I might have been spoiled with lots of presents, but I also got to spend time with my mother, we would talk, I would play the piano for her, and we would sing carols. We would always have hot chocolate and go for walks in the garden even if it was snowing, it was always beautiful there. I am taken from my memories by a knock on the door.

I wonder who that could be. I open it to see a shy looking Harry standing there. “Hi.” He says.

“Hi.” I reply.

“I was wondering if I could come in and we could chat, or we could talk in the common room.” He says.

I mull it over. I am curious as to what he will say. I am afraid that if I let him in my room, I might ravage him. “Let’s go to the common room.” I reply.

Harry nods and we walk quietly to the common room. We sit on the couch together in front of the fire place.

“So, what did you want Potter?” I ask.

“Draco, I wanted to apologize. I know I upset you and you are right. I will never understand. Not unless you explain it to me. I don’t believe it should be this way, but I hope that you will tell me why it should. I really want us to be friends.” He reassures me.

“Potter, I am not sure that even with explaining it to you will help, but I can try. I still don’t know why you want to be friends with me. The paper is going to tear you a part for befriending me. I am looked at like I am my father because I followed in his footsteps. I became the thing that you hated most. I was a death eater. I hated it, but I did it anyway. I am not a good person. I am hateful, mean, a jerk, an arsehole, and am unworthy of your trust and friendship.” I proclaim. Or anything more. And boy do I want more.

“I don’t hate you. I don’t. I don’t think I ever did. You were a right git to me, but I never hated you. I disliked you and your attitude. I didn’t like your views or values. I know you are not evil. You might be a jerk sometimes, but you are not a bad person. You made bad decisions, and made mistakes. You saved me, you risked your life to not identify me at Manor. I want to be friends with you because you are different than I thought you were. I want to help you with the Patronus charm because I think that you can perform it with my help. I want to help you be able to see your mother for Christmas because you should be able to do so. I want to write to Kingsley about the contract you signed. I want to bring you to Hogsmeade and go shopping with you. I think it would be fun.” Harry admits.

I am truly shocked by these confessions. Why does he care so much? Maybe I can be his friend. It is something I have wanted as long as I can remember. I hope that is enough for me. That I don’t over step my boundaries and hope for too much, but Merlin am I weak. “I accept your offer of friendship. Potter, it’s more than I could ask for, more than I deserve. Thank you. I would love to see my mother if you could help, but the other things you talked about might not be such a good idea. I am okay not knowing how to do the Patronus charm. The contract is binding, not sure there is a way around that unfortunately.” I reply.

“Please call me Harry, and I would still like to offer you training with the Patronus charm, on our own just the two of us. You could help me with Potions in return, you know that I am pants at it.” He offers.

I smile. He really is pants at it. “Maybe.” I say. I don’t want him to know. How do I get out of it now?

Harry smiles at me. “Great!” He shouts. “We can meet up on Mondays during our free period in an empty classroom to work on your Patronus. I already asked McGonagall about it hoping you would say yes. Then on Wednesdays we can work on Potions. You can tell me how stupid I am.”

“You’re not stupid Pot-Harry. You just need help. I am still wary about the Patronus lessons, but I guess you can help me. Those days sound good to me. We can meet in the library for Potions.” I drawl.

“Great. I was thinking of writing to Kingsley today about you being able to visit your mother, maybe we can talk to McGonagall as well.” He says.

“Alright.” I concede. He’s won this round. He wore me down.

We head to McGonagall’s office and knock on her door. “Enter.” Comes from inside and we walk in.

“Well this is a surprise Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” McGonagall asks

“Well, Draco here wishes to see his mother for Christmas, but he told me he’s not allowed to leave the castle. I was hoping there was a way around it or something we could do to fix it.” Harry replies.

“Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy is under strict guidelines set by the Wizengamot, but maybe we could work something out with Kingsley for Christmas. I thought that contract was a little strict.” She admits.

“Me too! He can’t even go to Hogsmeade if he wants to buy something he needs or wants.” Harry says.

I am blushing, suddenly embarrassed by this whole thing. I am pleased to hear Harry fight for me. It thrills me. “Harry, this is not necessary. I just wish to see my mother for Christmas, it would be the ultimate gift for her and me.” I admonish.

McGonagall looks at me. “Mr. Malfoy you have been a model student, I have only had a few complaints, but I do believe you are doing quite well in all of your classes. You are at the top of your class in most cases.” She emphasizes.

I blush harder. “Thank you.” I whisper not looking at her directly. Her gaze is too much.

Harry smiles at me warmly. I am so fucked. I love him too much. He’s so adorable when that smile is directed towards me. I feel warm and giddy.

“Let’s see what we can do for you.” McGonagall says. “I will firecall Kingsley right now.”

She walks over to the floo and throws some floo powder as she calls out Kingsley’s name.

“Good afternoon Minerva, what can I do for you?” He asks when he shows up in the flame.

“I was wondering if you could step through to help me in a little matter that I think you could deal better with.” She replies.

“Sure thing.” He says and cuts off the call to step through. “Headmistress, oh hello Harry, Mr. Malfoy. Nice to see you again.” He nods in greeting.

“Hello Minister.” Harry and I reply.

“Well, what seems to be the problem?” Kingsley asks.

“Mr. Malfoy is contracted to stay in the castle, but wishes to see his mother for Christmas. I don’t see any harm in this. I was hoping that you could help us out here.” McGonagall explains.

“The contract did include that he had to stay in the castle for the duration of the school year, seeing as how school won’t technically be in session, he could be allowed to go visit her for the winter holidays, as long as he behaves. It could be a trial run, and if he does behave while there, it could go long distances to assure me and the public he is no threat. I admit that I even think that the contract is too binding.” Kingsley declares.

“Really?” I ask. “I can go see my mother for Christmas?” I really need to know. If this is true, then I could truly be happy, well mostly happy. I still want to be with Harry, but I can’t have that, so it is good enough.

“Yes.” Kingsley answers.

I want to squeal with delight but I don’t. “Thank you Minister. I couldn’t ask for more. And I won’t let you down.” I reply.

“Actually,” Harry starts, “I was wondering if I could take him into Hogsmeade so that he could go shopping properly. I promise to watch over him. He should be able to go.”

“That’s a great idea Harry! I think if the public saw you out together, that might help dispel the rumors and that way, we can all get past this whole darkness. We all need to be able to put it behind us. It could start with amending bridges, and building friendships.” Kingsley gushes.

“Wonderful. So, can we write that into the contract or change the contract, so I don’t get into trouble when I face the Wizengamot again come June?” I ask.

“Sure thing.” Kingsley comforted me. He firecalls his assistant who floos the contract to him. We make the changes and sign an addendum to it. He nods goodbye and floos away.

“If that is everything, I think you boys should head into Hogsmeade tomorrow. It is a little late in the day to go now, as it’s almost dinner time, but just make sure that you keep to the rules and be back in the castle by curfew.” She tells us.

“Thank you.” I say.

I can’t wait to go into Hogsmeade tomorrow. It kind of feels like a date, but I know it’s not. I just wish it was one. I can pretend it is tomorrow. I just hope that I can keep my hands to myself and refrain from kissing him.

Harry and I walk to the Great Hall, he wants to tell Hermione and Weasley what has happened. I don’t mind. I am just glad for his friendship and that we got what we wanted.

We all sit down for dinner together and Harry tells Hermione and Weasley about the visit to McGonagall’s office. The four of us plan to go to Hogsmeade together. I want to get something for McGonagall as a thank you anyway. Maybe I can get something for Harry, Hermione and Weasley as well while we’re there. I also plan to buy lots of chocolate. I cannot wait. I am so excited.

That night I sleep soundly. It was the best sleep I have had in months. I am glad to be well rested for our trip into Hogsmeade. I meet the Golden trio for breakfast and we head out after eating.

The first stop is Florish and Blotts, I want to pick up something about becoming a healer or a potions master. I also need more ink and parchment. I also pick up a book Hermione would like, it’s about Ancient Runes.

Next we go to the apothecary where I buy some ingredients I want to use in some potions I am working on for a special project. I admired Severus and how he used to perfect potions using his own techniques and improved them. I either want to do that or become a healer to help people.

Then we go into the Quidditch shop where I pick something up for Weasley, a book on the best players throughout history. I am unsure what to get Harry. I don’t wish to scare him off with a romantic gesture, so I stick to something I know he would like. I get him something Quidditch related too, a practice snitch that I have them engrave with Harry’s name on it.

Then in WWW we all get some chocolate. I get chocolate cauldrons, chocolate frogs, something special for Mother, and a little something for McGonagall as thank you.

We go to Hogshead for a butterbeer as I refuse to enter The Three Broomsticks. I know Madame Rosmerta still hates me. At least Aberforth has forgiven me. He knows that I was forced to do what I did that led to his brother’s death.

We all chat and discuss our futures.

Weasley-Ron he now asks me to call him, and I told them they can all call me Draco, and Hermione go off together wanting some alone time and I am left alone with Harry. I couldn’t ask for a better day.

“So, Potter,” I start.

“Harry.” He interrupts.

I smile. “So, Harry,” I love the way it rolls off my tongue and wonder what it would be like to say it during a night of passion. “I was wondering what you will be doing after this. I heard what Hermione and Ron said, but didn’t hear you.” I admit.

“Well, I always thought I would be an Auror, but I am not sure any more. I really enjoy teaching, so I was thinking of becoming a DADA professor.” He says.

“Wow. That’s great. I think you would be amazing at it.” I reply.

He blushes. He looks adorable like that. I wonder how far his blush goes under his clothes. I really need to stop thinking these thoughts. They will lead nowhere good fast. “Thanks.” He mumbles ducking his head.

After we finish our drinks. He asks. “Are you really planning to move to France?”

I shrug. “I am not sure I will have many doors opening to me when I graduate. Even if our friendship works in my favor, not that I am your friend because of that. Don’t think that I would use you like that. I know where my place is.” I admit.

“Come on Draco. You used to believe in yourself more. You deserve better than the treatment you are currently getting.” He says.

“Thanks Harry. I appreciate what you are trying to say.” I reply. It’s the best I can hope for without showing him my feelings for him.

We walk back to the castle together and go to our separate rooms. I was so severely tempted to kiss him, but held myself in check. I couldn’t give into my fantasies. I need to get a grip on myself.

I fall asleep easily again after writing to Mother letting her know I am coming for Christmas, in all the excitement yesterday I forgot to tell her. I want her to be ready for my visit, I know how much she hates surprises.

The next day I walk confidently with my new friends to breakfast and sit with them during classes and meal times.

Harry and I meet in the abandoned classroom he showed me earlier after dinner to work on my Patronus. I pretend to struggle with it. We spend several hours working on it before heading to bed.

On Tuesday we all eat, study, and go to class together.

On Wednesday the same, only after dinner Harry and I meet in the library to go over Potions. I start with the basics and go from there. After a few hours he leaves feeling more confident than ever before. I am glad for it.

On Thursday we all eat, study and go to class together. We also play some chess.

On Friday, the same.

On Saturday they try to invite me to game night, but I make up an excuse about homework and being behind.

On Sunday we spend time in the common room just hanging out. I could get used to this. It feels natural. It feels good. I want it forever and always. I just hope I get to keep it.

Over the next two weeks before Christmas we hang out, eat, study, and go to class together. Harry and I work on Potions and my Patronus together as well.

I can feel my walls crumbling. I want to let him in. I want to ravish him. My resolve is breaking.

The Monday before the winter break, we all meet and I give them their Christmas gifts. Saying it’s okay if they didn’t get me anything. That I just wanted to get them each something they would enjoy as a thank you and appreciation. They surprised me with their own sets of gifts. We decided not to open them until Christmas day. I packed their gifts in my trunk to take with me to see my mother.

Harry wants to do one more try with my Patronus before we head out. “You’re close. I can feel it.” He says.

So we head to the abandoned classroom. I show him a whisp and shield. “I did it! Thank you Harry!” I exclaim. Even though he didn’t help, he did give me more memories to use while producing it.

“That’s fantastic Draco! I wonder what your corporeal Patronus will look like.” He wonders.

“This is good enough.” I say because I don’t think I could handle him knowing.

“I would still like to see you keep practicing. You really are helping me with Potions too. I hope we can continue this after the break. I enjoy spending time with you.” He admits.

I blush. “I enjoy it too Harry.” I confess.

He smiles at me and I control myself before pouncing him. I am in so much trouble. I hope I can continue to hide my feelings from him come spring time. I need to find out if there is a way to hide your true Patronus, I heard Severus saying something about it one time. Maybe I could work on that and show him after we come back, to satisfy his curiosity.

The four of us sit together on the Train, and I can’t wait to see Mother. I obtained a special gift for her while in Hogsmeade. I can’t wait to give it to her.

When we arrive at the platform we say our goodbyes and I head to look for Mother.

“Oh Darling!” She cries as she wraps her arms around me in greeting.

“Hello Mother.” I greet back.

“I am so glad to see you. Let’s go back to the Country Cottage in France. I cannot wait to show you what I have done to the place.” She says.

I nod in agreement and we apparate away.

The cottage is a moderate home in the country surrounded by gardens. My mother loves to garden, so I am glad to see they are doing well. The cottage has four bedrooms, a master bathroom, and two guest bathrooms, a decent kitchen, dining room, a study, a library, a sitting room with the floo, and a potions room in the basement.

“So tell me all about your year so far. I want to know everything.” She tells me.

I tell her all about my studies, and my new friendships with the Golden Trio. I tell her about my crush on Harry, but admit to wanting more.

“Well, I think you should go for it Draco. You deserve to be happy. You deserve nothing but the best. If you think that is Harry, then what are you waiting for?” She asks.

“I don’t know Mother. It’s hard to explain. I am content with his friendship.” I reply.

“Draco, you are not truly happy. I love you and wish to see you happy. If that is with Harry, then so be it. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the world thinks. You deserve to live your life how you want to. You are in control of your destiny. It is time you took hold of it and go after what you truly want. I support you completely no matter what.” She declares.

“Thank you Mother. I do wish to be happy. I am glad for your support.” He admits.

“Draco, don’t live with regrets. I regret so much, but I am glad to have you and wish the best for you.” She replies.

“I am glad to hear that.” I say. I truly admire how welcoming my mother is.

“I also have heard from some connections and I think that if you want to be a healer or potioneer you have options in both France and England. I also know that Slughorn is going to be retiring soon, so you could take his position as well.” She confesses.

“Well, this is unexpected and great news!” I admire. “It’s a lot to think about. Thank you Mother.”

“You are welcome dear.” She replies.

I unpack and put my presents under the tree. The manor is decorated beautifully with silver accents everywhere. It’s just the right amount of Christmas cheer.

We spend the next few weeks singing, chatting, laughing, and enjoying our time together. On Christmas we exchanged gifts. I got my mother a beautiful jade Dragon necklace holding a diamond. I also got her some fancy chocolate and winter gloves. She got me a beautiful green scarf and a potions kit with a new cauldron, stirring rod, and a book left to her by Severus. I thanked her with a hug. I opened the gifts from Ron, Hermione and Harry, saving the best for last. Ron got me chocolates and some WWW joke items. Hermione got me a potions book, and Harry got me a beautiful bronze telescope. It was a very thoughtful gift. I sent them thank you notes.

I received a thank you note from McGonagall for the chocolates that I left for her.

My mother and I sing carols, while I play the piano and then we walk through the gardens with our hot chocolate.

I send a quick thank you note to Kingsley, to show my gratitude for letting me see my mother and getting some much needed relaxation and time away that I needed.

I found the spell I need to hide my Patronus from Harry. It feels like lying, but he can’t know the truth. So, I hope if he were to ever find out, that he won’t be too upset by it. I am more excited to go back to school than I was at the beginning of the year. I know it will become more difficult as NEWTs approach, but I am glad to have had this reprieve. I hope I can continue my friendship with the Golden Trio. I can’t wait to see what the New Year has in store for me. As the fireworks go off at Midnight announcing the New Year, I wish that all my fantasies come to life. It’s more than I could ever hope for, but I truly don’t want to hold myself back anymore. I have to try.


	2. The End

I was so excited to be going back to school for the spring semester. I want to finish my NEWTs, but I also want to try to broaden my friendships with the Golden Trio. I want to feel out Harry to see if I have a shot with him. I need to know once and for all.

I don’t want to hide in the shadows anymore. I am proud of who I am becoming. I want to be happy. Like my mother said, I do not wish to live with regrets. I don’t want to look back and ask what if.

I am literally bouncing with excitement as I search for the Golden Trio on the train. I open a compartment and am greeted with Weaselette sitting on my Harry’s lap, snogging him breathlessly. I am so mad and jealous. I am standing there gaping like fish at the scene. I finally snap out of it and quietly close the compartment door again. A tear slips down my face. I lock myself in the loo.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I mutter looking at myself in the mirror. I can’t believe I let myself hope and believe I might have a shot. It was my own fault really. I should have never fallen for the idiotic Gryffindor. I am so mad at myself. I get my emotions under control, freshen myself up and go find a compartment to sit in. I don’t think I could face Harry right now.

I found a compartment with Luna, Neville, Seamus, and Dean. “Hey guys do you mind if I join you?”

“Of course Draco.” Luna dreamily answers.

I sit with them for the rest of the trip. My mind replays the scene of Harry and the Weaselette over and over again. I am jealous and upset about it. There is nothing I can do about it though. It’s time to let go of my little fantasy. I guess I got my answer.

At dinner Harry sits next to me. “Hey where were you?” He asks.

“Oh I sat with Luna, Neville, Seamus and Dean on the ride back. I thought I would make more friends.” I reply.

Harry smiles. “That’s great. Mione has a whole study schedule ready for NEWTs testing. She wants to get right on it.” He says.

“That’s a good idea. We should really focus. I want to do well. I want to be able to show the Wizengamot that I can function in society. I also want to show my father that I don’t need his help to do it.” I admit.

“I am glad to hear it. How was your holiday?” He asks.

“Oh it was wonderful. I had the best time with my mother and I have you, McGonagall and Kingsley to thank for that. We got to talk, really talk, sing carols, and drink hot cocoa in the gardens. I also worked on my Patronus and can’t wait to show it to you.” I answer. I know I can hide it well, because I tried it several times while with my mother.

“I am just glad that you got to see your mother. I can’t wait to see your Patronus. I would love for you to show it to me tomorrow. Thank you for the wonderful gifts.” He replies.

“Oh yes, thank you as well. I promise to show you tomorrow. We can meet in the abandoned classroom after dinner. How was your holiday?” I ask. Even though I am not sure I want to hear how it went seeing as him and the Weaselette got back together.

“It was a grand affair with all the Weasley’s and some significant others. It was quite loud and boisterous. I loved it. We played Quidditch. We ate lovely meals prepared by Mrs. Weasley. We even got to see some WWW fireworks that George sent off. It was so good to see him smile again.” Harry says.

“Oh I am pleased.” I say which is only partly a lie. I am glad that he had a wonderful time, I just wish it hadn’t resulted in him and that girl snogging on the train.

The rest of dinner we chat about the study time’s table that Hermione came up with. She is quite brilliant. I know that she could easily be the Minister one day. I have no doubt in that. I am happy to have her as my friend now.

That night I have trouble sleeping. My mind is in shambles as my heart breaks. I knew I could never have him, but it is difficult to have your fantasies torn from you. I come up with a plan to avoid Harry and the Weaselette as much as I can without hurting Harry’s feelings. I still want to be his friend even if that is all I can have.

The next morning I rise with little sleep. I am grumpy and do not speak to anyone besides grunts during breakfast. My friends look at me with concern. I just mutter something about an uncomfortable bed and they quickly drop the subject.

In DADA we start to learn NEWT level hexes, jinxes, curses and shields. The Professor makes sure we know that this semester will be a lot harder than the first. She wants us all to be prepared for a grueling few months of duels. At the end of the semester there will be a tournament and winner will get a small trophy. I am looking forward to that. I am sure Harry will win that one, but I am up for the challenge.

We eat lunch together, and study in the library before Charms.

In Charms, we are learning NEWT level spells that will certainly help in the real world. Professor Flitwick also tells us how hard this new semester will be as we prepare to take our NEWTs. Seems as though all the teachers are on the same page.

After dinner, Harry and I meet in the abandoned classroom so I can show him my Patronus.

“Alright, show me what you got.” He tells me.

I smile. I let a memory fill me up, perform the charm to change my Patronus wandlessly and wordlessly so Harry doesn’t notice, and shout “Expecto Patronum!”

A large dragon erupts from my wand and flies around Harry.

“Wow! You did it! It’s beautiful Draco. I am not surprised that it is a dragon.” He says.

I blush. “Now that is over with, we can focus more on you learning Potions better.” I reply.

“Oh yes. I think that would be a good plan. Merlin knows I need all the help I can get. According to the study schedule, we do have some free time on Wednesday’s during our free period, so we can meet in the library again.” He states.

I nod in agreement. “Perfect.”

We leave the classroom together and the Weaselette is there waiting for him. I scowl at her, but try to remain civil. “Weasley.” I greet her.

“Malfoy.” She spats.

“Ginny. I am so happy to see you. Draco and I have been just working on his Patronus, it’s a dragon! Wicked right?!” Harry exclaims.

“Draco? I didn’t know you were friends. I don’t know how you could be.” She mutters.

I roll my eyes.

“It’s time to move on, let bygones be bygones. We all made mistakes and it’s time to move past it. We are all friends now.” He looks at me with a goofy grin.

I can’t help but smile back. It’s just hard to not love him when he looks at me like that and comes to my defense. It’s actually rather hot.

“Well, if you say so Harry.” She replies.

“See you later Harry, I need to get some rest before tomorrow.” I say.

“See you.” Harry replies. I walk off utterly alone and feeling like a shell of my former self back to my room. I just felt like I left another part of my soul behind. It is devastating. I cry myself to sleep finally letting go of my fantasies once and for all.

The next day I have Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Astrology. I am glad for the breather from seeing Harry all day. I do see him during meal times, but it’s not like how it used to be. Now Weaselette either sits with us, or he sits with her at her table. It annoys me to hell, but I know it’s not right of me to be this jealous. I told myself I would not live my fantasy world anymore. I gave it up. Hermione does sit with me during Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, which is nice.

We study together in the library after dinner.

The following day is Potions, Transfiguration and Herbology.

In Potions we start to learn about NEWT level Potions and how to break down a potion to figure out which one it is. It gives me ideas on how to use the book Severus left to my mother to give to me. I want to start improving on his ideas and come up with a few of my own. I want to be the next great Potioneer making new potions, and improving old ones as well to get rid of side effects.

In Transfiguration we are studying animagus and how to become one. We also learn NEWT level transfigurations.

In Herbology, we learn about NEWT level plants. Most of which can be used in Potions or as means to improve your health and well-being.

It seems all the professors are loading us with plenty of work. So there isn’t much time to think about my failed attempts at finding my true happiness.

During our free period, Harry and I work on improving his overall Potion skills. I keep myself at a distance so that I don’t ruin our friendship.

We are all working very hard. We struggle to keep up, but we do it. We work together nicely and compare notes on all our classes to help make sure everything gets covered. No one wants to miss something another has the knowledge of.

It’s a balance that we come up with. We work well together. It’s going quite smoothly, which really takes me surprise.

We start to fall into a routine, where we go to class together, eat together, study together whenever we are free to do so.

Weeks go by without incident.

Then I start to notice Harry again and how he makes me feel. It frustrates me. I thought I was over him. I guess I am not. I wish I could give him up. I want to hate him, but I can’t. I can’t even be mad at him. I am jealous and sexually frustrated. Working together in Potions doesn’t help because he takes off his outer robe to reveal something that I only see in my dreams, a hot sexy Harry, stripping, and dripping in sweat. It makes me terribly hard, and I have to keep my robe on to hide my problem. I imagine what it would be like to have him underneath me, undressing him slowly and exploring his body with my hands and tongue. I also think about what it would be like if he did the same. My mouth is dry as I choke aloud. I cover it with a cough and try to keep the embarrassing flush rising to my cheeks as I am caught staring. I quickly look away.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks.

“Fine. Just fumes.” I wheeze. I clear my throat. “Maybe I am coming down with something.” I say. I don’t want him to know the truth. I hope that he didn’t see how I was looking at him, like I wanted to devour him.

“Alright.” He replies. And we go back to making the potion.

I rush out of the classroom when we get dismissed. I need to take care of my problem now. Unfortunately Harry follows me.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks catching up to me in the hallway before I enter the bathroom.

“Yeah I-I’m fine. I just need some air and to use the loo.” I answer.

“If you say so.” He says still looking concerned but turns and walks away. I am glad he does not follow me in.

I enter the stall, put up a silencing spell, and take out my aching cock. “This better be the last time.” I mutter. I stroke it hard and fast. I imagine what it would feel like to have Harry’s hands on me instead of my own. In no time, I am coming hard on my hand. I clean it up quickly and leave to find Harry and the rest in Transfiguration.

That night I start having wet dreams about Harry again. I wake up with his name on my lips and sticky sheets. I am really fortunate to have my own room at this moment. It would be embarrassing to have anyone hear me.

I am so screwed. I glare at Weaselette. I want to be the one he’s kissing, the one to sit on his lap and cuddle with. I want to be able to reach out and touch him anytime I want. This is so messed up. I need to get a grip before I explode. The funny thing is I think Weaselette and Hermione have figured it out. They don’t call me out on yet. It’s only a matter of time though. I wonder what to say to Hermione or even Weaselette. It doesn’t matter.

I am struggling and it’s affecting my classes and study habits. Hermione corners me after study session one night.

“So what’s up with you Draco?” She asks.

I know she knows. I am not stupid, but I want to avoid this discussion. “I am just stressed and tired.” I lie.

“That’s not all of it and you know it. Why have you been giving Ginny the evil glare?” She replies.

“It’s nothing. I can handle it. I just need some time to sort something out.” I sigh.

“Like your feelings for Harry? I know Draco. I see the way you look at him. It’s okay with me you know.” She says.

I am a little taken back by that remark. “That’s surprising. Yes I have feelings for him. No I won’t do anything to impede his relationship with Weasley-Ginny. I know my place. I won’t get in the way.” I mutter.

“Oh Draco. You deserve to be happy.” She says.

“My Mother said that to me too. It’s too late. He’s with Ginny. I never had a chance in the first place.” I am just glad I found that spell to hide my real Patronus from him.

“Wait, what was that about your Patronus?” Hermione asks.

And it hits me that I said that last part out loud. Fuck! “I-I didn’t ssay anything about a Patronus, you must be going crazy with all the studying we’ve been doing lately.” I stutter.

“Oh no you don’t. You tell me right now Draco Malfoy.” She threatens me.

I am literally scared of her. I know what her right hook feels like and I don’t feel like being on the wrong end of her anger. “I found a spell to hide my true Patronus. I used it to hide it from Harry. I was embarrassed about it.” I answer.

“Why?” She asks.

“Its true form is a stag.” I barely whisper, but she hears me anyway.

“Oh my! You really do love him don’t you?” She replies.

“Yes, but you can’t tell him. Please don’t tell him.” I beg her.

“I won’t but you should. I don’t think Ginny is the right match for Harry, I think you would be more suited for him. Don’t tell anyone I said that.” She says.

I nod in agreement. I am glad that is over with. Now if I can just avoid a confrontation with Ginny.

Two days later, my hopes of escaping are dashed. Ginny finds me alone in a corridor on my way to the library to meet Harry. “Oi Malfoy!” She shouts.

I turn and wait for her. I can’t wait to see what she has to say. “Yes Weasley?” I ask.

“I just want to make sure you know that Harry is mine, and I will not tolerate you trying to eye fuck my boyfriend. Or attempt to steal him away. I will hunt you down if you do. I can give him everything he wants. We have a future together. A future with you would be filled with hate, and he would come to regret it. So don’t even try. He is mine!” She growls at me.

“Oh I know Weasley. I know my place. He would never look at me like that so you have no worries. I will stay away from him, but you can’t make him stop being friends with me.” I snarl back.

“Yeah whatever, just make sure it stays that way.” She spits at me.

I walk away arriving late to my study session with Harry, tense and angry. I hate that I let her get to me. I know that I could never have Harry. It just hurts to see someone else with him. It makes me feel worthless. I shouldn’t throw myself a pity party, but oh do I want to. Harry notices my tense posture as I sit with him at the table.

“Sorry Harry, but I am not sure I will be much help today.” I mutter.

“That’s alright. Are you okay?” He asks.

I growl. I am not okay! I want to scream, but I don’t. “I just need some space, do you think we could cancel tonight’s lesson and meet next week?” I ask.

“Yeah sure, I’m here if you want to talk about it.” He offers. It’s nice to hear but he doesn’t want to hear about how his girlfriend tried to threaten me and warn me to stay away from him. I don’t want to sound petty. I know how it will look from Harry’s perspective.

“No thanks, I am fine. I just need to go for a walk.” I say. I get up and leave the library and Harry behind.

I walk outside. It’s cold as it’s now February, but I don’t mind. I walk to the lake and sit down and lean against a tree to stare at the lake. I sit there for hours trying to forget about Harry, about his smile, his laugh, his warmth, his beautiful green eyes, his gentle soul, and overall loveable personality. Fuck! I am smitten for him. This sucks. I can’t believe my rotten luck. How could I let myself fall for him? How could I let myself dream and hope for a future with him? I make up my mind to leave England. I can’t stay here near him. It’s too depressing. I can’t watch the man I love be with someone else.

That night once back in my room, I write a letter to my mother to ask about an internship with a Potioneer. I think that is what I really want to do. I love Potions and have a passion to tweak them and make them better. I am also driven to invent new potions. I think I will really enjoy doing that work.

In the morning I receive her reply saying that she will look into it, but most likely I will need to get an ‘O’ on my Potions NEWT and it wouldn’t hurt to get a recommendation from my Potions Master. I seriously doubt Slughorn would be willing to do that for me, but it can’t hurt to ask. I will offer to help him with brewing for the hospital wing, organizing his store room, and cleaning up after classes during my free time. It will impede my study time, but I can cut back a little to focus on my true passion.

“Who’s the letter from?” Hermione asks.

“My mother. I asked her to put feelers out in France for a Potioneer apprenticeship. I think I might have a shot. I really enjoy making potions. I am really good at it. I am going to ask Slughorn for a recommendation as well.” I explain.

“That’s great Draco!” She exclaims.

“Why France, why not in England?” Harry asks.

“My mother lives there, and there is not much here to keep me, so why not go to France where I might have more opportunities than here.” I answer.

“You have us mate.” Ron says.

“Wow, thanks Ron. France isn’t that far, we can always keep in contact and meet up. I just need to get away. I want a fresh start. I want to make a name for myself. I can’t do that here with the whole ex-death eater hanging over my head.” I reply.

Weaselette giggles. I glare at her. “I’m sorry, but it is true. He is an ex-death eater.” She says. I glare at her harder. I refrain from rising to the bait.

“Well, if that’s what you truly want then, you should go for it.” Hermione proclaims.

I smile at her. “Thank you. That means a lot. I am glad to have you guys as friends and to have your support in this. Nothing is going to hold me back anymore.” I declare.

“Here! Here!” Neville says. I nod at him in thanks.

I feel so welcome here. I wish I didn’t have to leave, but I cannot bear to see him and not be the one that is with him.

I find Slughorn during his office hours.

“Hello Professor Slughorn, I was hoping you had a moment.” I begin.

“Of course Mr. Malfoy, what can I do for you?” He asks.

I sit down in front of his desk. I look him straight in the eye to let him know I am serious and will not back down from what I am about to say. “Professor, I am looking at becoming a Potioneer, and was hoping you would give me a recommendation, I have feelers out to Potioneers in France, and wish to have something other than my NEWTs score to show how hard working, responsible, respectable, and determined I am. I am willing to offer my services to help you brew for the hospital wing, as well as help you organize and stock your shelves, and in the evenings help you clean the cauldrons.” I state.

He stares at me hard for a moment. I try hard not to shift or fidget under his gaze, meeting him at eye level. I want to show him how determined I am in this. “Alright, Mr. Malfoy I think I can do that. You are a very bright wizard, and are at the top of your class. If you do those things for me, I will have no problem writing that recommendation for you.” He replies.

“Thank you Professor!” I exclaim. “You won’t regret this.” I shake his hand.

I am so excited that I can barely sleep that night.

I set up a routine to study on the weekends, do my homework during my free periods, organizing and stocking shelves during lunch, and cleaning cauldrons after dinner. This leaves no time to hang out with my friends or study with them. Which I explain to them, which they understand. I explain this to Harry especially, as he has improved a lot with my help, he no longer needs me to show him the ropes anymore.

I miss my friends. I want to see Harry. I know why I am doing this, but I wish I didn’t have to.

The work load is getting harder. I am having trouble keeping up and balancing it all. I am glad my friends are so understanding.

I do hear from my mother about possible apprenticeships in France, there are a few shops who might be interested as long as I get an ‘O’ on my NEWTs exam. I have no problem thinking I can obtain this.

I am also still having wet dreams about Harry. His presence in my day doesn’t stop my day dreams either. It takes all of my resolve not to push him against the wall in a corridor and snog him to death. I bet his lips are warm, and soft. They make me want to do sinful things. I should really be ashamed about thinking about my friend like this.

We start dueling in DADA, to practice for the tournament coming in May. Every time I face Harry, I get hard. As his magic washes over me, it’s hard to think of anything else. He makes me forget everything else. He makes me feel so many things that I never thought I could. He makes me happy. I want so much more than his friendship. He makes me feel brave, strong, and warm, cared for, and makes me want to do anything for him. I would kill or die for him. I want to be near him. I want my future with him, but then the realization of it never happening hits me even harder. It breaks me. I let my guard down and he hits me hard as I don’t react to his jinx he threw at me. I hit the floor hard. He rushes over to me. “Oh my Draco, I am so sorry. What happened? Why didn’t you put your shield up in time? You are better than that.” He apologizes.

I stare up him wincing from the Auror strength stinging hex he hit me with. “It’s alright, I got distracted. I let my guard down. Nice job.” I gasp out.

He smiles down at me and helps me up. “Let’s go again.” He says.

I nod in agreement. I can handle it. He easily wins my wand again. I am proud to have lasted as long as I did against him.

That Friday, they try to tempt me into a game night, but I refuse. I am unsure about joining in. I know that they play ‘Truth or Dare’ with veritaserum, and ‘Spin the Bottle’. Neither game a good idea for me. Even though I could get away with possibly kissing Harry, I don’t want to risk it. I also don’t want to watch him kiss other people. I also know that I couldn’t bear it if my secrets got out while playing ‘Truth or Dare’. I use my time to catch up on my homework and study some more. I also look over Severus’ book more and write down a few ideas of my own that I want to research for my apprenticeship.

The weeks fly by as we continue to study, and work hard towards getting our NEWTs.

In May we have our tournament for the trophy in DADA. I go up against Seamus first. I quickly win that round. I go up against Dean and Neville next. I see that Harry is also winning all of his matches. He wins against Hermione, Ron and Lavender. We are to face each other for the final round. I know Harry will win, but I want to put up a good fight.

So we start flinging hexes, jinxes, and curses at each other. We dodge, and shield defecting each other’s spells quickly. The match is intense. He is quicker and his magic is stronger. I know he is close to gaining the lead. I try to hold him off, but I am not going to last much longer. “Reducto, Petrificus Totalus, Expelliarmus!” He rapidly fires at me. He finally gets me with the Expelliarmus and my wand flings out of my hand into his waiting grasp. He looks at me with smiling eyes, and a triumphant look.

“Congratulations Mr. Potter. You did it!” Professor Noctem announces.

“Thank you.” He replies.

I walk over and shake his hand. “Nice job, knew you could do it.” I praise him.

“Thank you. Nice dueling, you were a good opponent.” He admits.

I blush and nod at him. The way he looks at me. Shit. I need to walk away, so I do. I let our other friends congratulate him. He holds up his trophy in victory.

“Alright class, next week we will do a little hand to hand combat before NEWTs commence. You should know some just in case you lose your wand.” Professor Noctem announces as she dismisses class. That might be fun.

The next few weeks are filled with frantic studying for NEWTs. I ask Slughorn for leniency and he admits that I have helped him more than enough to write a recommendation letter for me. He lets me off the hook to study. I am relieved by this. At least now I might have more of a prospect than I did before.

During DADA we do some hand to hand combat. I am paired with Ron, which is a relief at first. I am nervous about pairing up with Harry. I think I might get too turned on by his proximity. We fight, parry, and catch each other a couple times. Then I accidently break his nose, and he has to go to the hospital wing. I feel horrible about it, he says it’s all good. I just hope he still wants to be friends after this. Harry’s sparring mate also winds up having to go to the hospital wing as well.

“Malfoy, Potter face off now!” She says after sending poor Neville to the hospital wing. She thinks he might take me down. I might be taller, but I am skinnier than he is now. He used to be scrawny, but now he is filled out and jacked. He tells me it’s from working out over the summer and not living under an abusive home. When I learned about his upbringing, it hurt me to realize how little I knew about him. I had always assumed he lived in luxury and was pampered. The truth was so far from that. It was disgustingly gruesome. I want to know where his relatives live so I can hex them myself. I don’t doubt he can take me on. He’s much stronger than he looks.

We spar for several minutes. We each get hits on each other. I can feel myself harden with his proximity and how hot he looks right now. I try to think of things that will make it go away but it doesn’t work. It only gets worse as Harry tackles me to the ground and wrestles me underneath me pining me to the floor. His eyes widen as he shifts against me and feels how hard he made me. I close my eyes in shame. “Get off me.” I mutter. He quickly scrambles off and lets me up. I can’t look at him as my embarrassment consumes me. Shame rolls off me as class ends I quickly make my escape.

“Wait up Draco!” Harry calls after me. I spin around quickly grabbing him and pining him against the wall, my wand against his throat.

“Come to gloat?” I spit.

“N-no, no I just wanted to know what that was about.” He calmly states.

I search his face for lies and deceitfulness. There isn’t any. I look for hatred, or disgust. There isn’t any of that either. “You really want to know?” I ask.

He nods. I quickly gather my courage and press my lips against his in a searing kiss. I don’t give him a chance to kiss back. I back out quickly. “I am really sorry.” I mutter and run away to my room. I lock myself in there the rest of the day. I know I shouldn’t miss class this close to NEWTs, but I can’t face the ridicule and backlash that will come from this.

A knock comes at the door. “Draco, come on, please talk to me.” I hear Harry call from the other side of the door. No thank you.

“Go away Harry.” I lament.

He continues to knock and try to talk to me. I ignore him. In the morning I open my door to see a very angry looking Hermione, oh shit. “What did you do?” She asks.

“I kissed him. I’m sorry. I tried to stop myself. We were fighting during DADA and he felt how my body responded to me and confronted me about it and I just kissed him okay?” I cry.

Her anger seems to dissipate. “Oh Draco.” She sighs. “Come on let’s go to breakfast.” I stick close to her. I use her as a shield against Harry.

I am just glad we only have a week left before NEWTs, then a week for NEWTs, then we graduate. And I can leave all this behind. I can move to France. I can get over Harry.

Harry tries to talk to me, but I use Hermione as a buffer. She knows why I refuse to talk to him. I am embarrassed that I let my emotions take control of my actions.

I spend all my free time in my room studying. I avoid Harry as much as I can. I only speak to him during Potions to help classify the last Potion we are assigned together. He continues to try to speak to me. I just tell him to leave it alone.

On Saturday, Weaselette finds me wandering the grounds. I took a break from studying, needing to get some fresh air. “You arsehole. I lost my bloody boyfriend because of you!” She snarls as she punches me dead in the face and then hits me with her famous bat bogey hex.

“What the hell!” I yell. What does she mean? Why would Harry leave her over something I did? I don’t understand. I am so confused. I think she broke my nose. I go to the hospital wing to get it fixed.

Harry finds me there. “Hi” He greets.

“Hi.” I reply.

“What happened?” He asks.

“Oh just some girl punched me in the face. I deserved it though.” I admit.

“Can we talk?” He asks.

I look at him and want to so badly, but I am bad news for him. I am moving to France after I graduate. I need to make a clean break, but I am too curious to know what he wants to talk to me about. I nod in agreement.

After Madame Pomfrey clears me to go, we head up to the eighth year dormitories to chat. He asks if we can go to my room for privacy, and I just hope he doesn’t hurt me. If it’s a rejection, I can just throw him out and never speak to him again. I slowly nod and take him to my room.

“So what did you want to talk about?” I ask. I am pretty sure I already know, but I want to hear him say it.

“Why did you kiss me?” He asks.

“Getting right to it?” I ask. He just glares at me waiting for me to answer. “Fine. I like you a lot Harry, more than I should. If you truly want to know how much look at this. ‘Expecto Patronum.’” I proclaim. A huge stag erupts from my wand and nuzzles Harry.

He stares at it in shock. “Wow. I had no idea. How long?” He asks.

“Longer than I am willing to admit. I already knew what my Patronus was, and what it meant. I was ashamed to show it to you. I thought you’d hate me for it. I couldn’t let you know. I am sorry for wasting your time though. I did love working with you and becoming your friend. I hope that we can still be friends. I am sorry I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done it. I know you and Ginny are together. I don’t want to get in the middle of it. It’s not like I deserve you anyway or that you would want me even if you liked boys.” I admit.

Harry seems to be taking all that in. “Jesus Draco.” He exclaims.

I wince. I hope he’s not too angry with me. “Do you know how long I’ve liked you, wanted you? It’s been killing me. I only got back with Ginny because it scared me so much. I didn’t realize I was just faking it with her trying to force this idea I had of us together, getting married and having children. Raising them with Ron and Hermione’s children. Once I realized how stupid I was being I broke it off with her. I want to be with you.” He proclaims.

I stare at him gaping. “You-you don’t mean that.” I stutter.

“Yes I do.” He replies smiling at me.

I almost want to believe him. “I can’t. I am leaving. I am moving to France. I have opportunities there. I will only hold you back here.” I mutter.

“Bollocks! I think you are afraid. I think you could get a job here, but you are too scared.” He provokes me.

“Yes I am scared.” I admit. “I am not brave like you Harry. If we were together, the public would tear us a part.”

“I’d like to see them try.” He declares.

I smile warmly at him and this time he is the one that kisses me. I quickly return the kiss. It’s sweet, soft, passionate and full of admiration and affection. I can’t believe I am kissing Harry Potter. I can’t believe he is kissing me back!

We pull out of the kiss and he grins at me. “Does this mean we’re boyfriends now?” He teases me.

“Absolutely.” I proclaim. I am the luckiest man alive.

Over the next week we take our NEWTs. They are difficult, but I studied hard. I leave them feeling like I did the best I could. It seems my friends feel the same.

The next Friday we have a party to celebrate completing our NEWTs. We drink and laugh the night away. I get to be the one who touches Harry, and the one who holds him and kisses him. Our friends quickly accepted our relationship, most of them saying, took you long enough or finally! We just smile shyly at each other and blush.

After graduation he invites me to stay with him so I can look at offers in England to be an apprentice as a Potioneer. He is going into Auror training in the fall. I accept his offer. It means I get to be with my boyfriend than, so be it.

I move in with him at Grimmauld Place, and write to my mother as to why I am staying, she understands and says to follow my heart. I do.

I officially introduce him to her, as pure blood customs dictate. She greets him with open arms and welcomes him as a second son. She lets Harry know how happy she is to see me so filled with joy and promise for a happy future. Harry introduces me to the Weasley's who quickly welcome me to the family.

I find an apothecary on Diagon Alley that is willing to accept me as an apprentice, along with the letter of recommendation from Slughorn, I got an ‘O’ in Potions, no surprise there, and a glowing recommendation from McGonagall and Kingsley, which I was surprised to see. I thanked them both for their support and faith in me.

Everything was falling into place. Life was good.

_ Epilogue: _

5 years have passed and I couldn’t be happier. I am now a Potioneer at an up and coming Apothecary in Diagon Alley. I have several of my own patent potions, and have made improvements on some old ones as well. Harry is an up and coming Auror alongside Ron. Hermione works at the DLME spear heading new laws for house elves, muggle borns, and werewolves. Ron and Hermione married two years ago, and are now having a child of their own. Neville is the new Herbology Professor at Hogwarts, and is married to Hannah Abbot. Seamus and Dean work together announcing Quidditch games. Ginny is the Chaser for the Holy Harpies. After realizing how good Harry and I were together, and how awful she was with him and seeing how Harry only liked her as a sister, she apologized and we became friends. Luna was chasing after magical creatures with Rolf Scamander. We are all still fierce friends and often meet up together to stay connected. Holidays are an all out affair. i wouldn't want it any other way though. I have come to love my new family. The family I chose.

Harry and I are still together. We do fight every once in a while, but I couldn’t ask for anything better. As I look back, there isn’t a thing I would change, because it brought me here. It brought me Harry. That is all I could ask for.

Tonight is the night. I am finally going to ask him to marry me. I think it’s time. I got him the most beautiful engagement ring. I can’t wait to give to him. I just hope he says yes.

I cook him an extravagant dinner.

“What’s the occasion?” He asks when he gets home.

“Nothing, I just wanted to spoil you. I wanted to show you how much I love you, even after all this time.” I reply.

“Dinner smells great. I will go freshen up and be right back.” He gives me a chaste kiss and hurries away.

I set the table and nervously fidget until he comes back. We have a nice quiet evening. We talk about our days. He tells me about catching the bad guy they’d been looking for for the past few weeks. I tell him about a new potion I want to research and test.

After dessert, I bring him out to the garden under the full moon.

He looks at me confused. I smile at him crookedly and get down on one knee opening the small box I have with a gold ring with the words ‘I love you, forever’ etched in it. “You have made me the happiest man alive. I couldn’t ask for a better man, a better partner. I love you so much. Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband and marrying me?”

“Yes! Yes of course I will marry you!” He yells. I rejoice! I am so glad he said yes. I shakily put the ring on his finger and he pulls me up into a searing kiss.

“I am so lucky to have you.” I reply.

“No I am the lucky one.” He says back. I know the truth, but that’s okay. It’s nice to hear. We call our friends with the happy news, they all congratulate us. My mother is ecstatic, so is Mrs. Weasley. It seems my hopes for a small intimate wedding get thrown out the window with those two involved. Oh well. It’s all good as long as I have the man I love in my arms, and we do this together then that is all I care about.

All my fantasies have come true, and I am more than delighted to have them become reality.

That night he takes me up to our bedroom, and undresses me slowly. He kisses me passionately and lovingly. He kisses and licks all my weak spots. He has learned how to turn me to butter. I moaning and crying out in pleasure under his talented hands and mouth. I run my hands all over his glorious body. Soon we are naked and he is lying on top of me on our bed kissing me fiercely. Our erections are pressed together. I start to move my hips to get more friction. He moans into my mouth.

He kisses down my neck, and bites my collar bone, leaving a mark that will be there tomorrow. He sucks and licks my nipples. He continues to kiss down my stomach and then kisses my inner thighs. I whine loudly. He stifles a laugh and kisses my leaking cock. “Harry please.” I moan.

“Patience love, I will take care of you.” He promises. I know he will, but he always has me begging for release before he breaches me. He slowly takes my cock in his mouth and sucks, and licks it while rubbing a finger near my entrance. His mouth is so warm and wet. I buck up into it. He holds me down and breaches me with his finger, after whispering a lubricant spell, I hiss at the intrusion. It is a lovely burn that quickly turns into pleasure. He adds a second finger and then a third to make sure I am properly prepared for his cock. Oh fuck yes!

He takes out his fingers and I whine at the loss. I feel the blunt head of his penis at my hole, I nod to let him know I’m ready. He pushes in slowly, pausing every inch to let me get used to his girth. We have done this before, but it’s been a while since we’ve both been very busy. Once he finally bottoms out, he waits for me to give the go ahead to start moving. I rock my hips, and he gets the hint. He starts rocking back and forth, slipping in and out of my tight channel. I love the way he fills me up. He angles better to hit my prostate. “Yes!” I scream as he hits it. He grins at me. He sets long and slow thrusts. Usually we like to fuck hard and fast but he wants to take his time, he wants to make love to me. I come apart underneath him. He continues to thrust slowly in and out of me. “Yes, Harry Yes!” I yell as I reach my orgasm. I takes over me and I scream “Harry!” as I come completely untouched. I feel him pump a few more times and the stilling, and his warm come filling me deep inside. He comes with my name on his lips. He collapses on top of me for a moment and then pulls out carefully his softening dick easily leaving my body, and lies next to me. I feel the warmth of his magic come over us as he performs a wandless cleaning spell. That is so hot. He pulls me close and I tuck my head under his chin, resting my hand on his chest, his arm around my shoulders.

“I love you Harry.” I tell him.

“I love you too Draco.” He replies back.

As we fall asleep in each other’s arms I can’t think of a better ending to a wonderful evening.

I am truly looking forward to our future together. Together we can do anything we set our minds to!

All was well.

\------------------The End------------------


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